There was still unknown and unstated "cannibal" from the novel - a figure whether invented, whether, maybe, quite real,
however struck, actually, any not mystical siloju, and the most prosaic splinter.
Also there was a novel: the strange not realised recognition paranormalika in the paranormalnosti.
Any laws it was not seen. Among victims there were close acquaintances, but also people whom he, most likely, and in eyes
did not see, could not even see basically! From them he loved Someone, and someone - hated. Someone from them
operated to the detriment of it, and someone, on the contrary, - on advantage... And whether he knew about their this
activity? Hardly, oh, hardly, but even if knew (too in any quite mysterious way) why mowed all of them successively, without
going into details? And the main thing: whether MOWED? I more did not ask a question: HOW? Whether it MOWED them,
here in what there was a problem, there were they its target or died simply because it was, VEINS, BREATHED, ate, SLEPT,
LOVED - as thousand and thousand from us annually die without fault and sense only because exist on light vibriony, kokki,
batsilly, viruses - live, breathe, eat, sleep, breed, without suspecting even about our existence, nothing knowing about us,
without being able at all it the nobility. . As without reflecting and without knowing, we trample down on a wood footpath or
on city asphalt of ants and small insects as negligent and aimless movement in a fraction of a second we destroy, maybe, the
Information which I had, did not suffice me. And I did not know where still to search for the lacking. That was necessary for
me, was not known to anybody.
Even to him, can be. Most likely. Almost for certain.
This disgusting "almost", all these hated "most likely", "probably", "probably" - oppressed me and killed. I should KNOW,
instead of "believe". All dared for me these months. YES or not. Only YES or not, and any "almost".
In despair I puzzled over experiment which would give clear and an unambiguous answer on all questions. (It seems, it is
called as EKSPERIMENTUM KRUSIS). Already then I guessed that such experiment is impossible basically, but it was too
necessary to me to listen to groans of exhausted my intuition.
Now it is a shame to me to recollect this time. It is the most difficult to forgive to itself two things from the past: cowardice and
nonsense. However, I write here about it therefore as I believe important that you knew about these my nonsenses -
suddenly to you will occur to put similar experiments.
At first I have organised ordinary gop-stop. A problem: to teach a good lesson, that is not to kill at all, not to cripple, but vpilit
to a reptile so that obosr... sja. The idiot. On what I counted? That, actually, wanted? That Seregu and Sashku in one fine
morning have found in a gate with the burst brains? And this Serega and Sashka - we will put, rubbish, geeks, it is not a pity
slightly, but - after all at once weight of additional problems, weight of reports and explanatory, new and new lies on
instances, and - for what? That I could tell, at last, with confidence: "Yes, it - IT"? To whom to tell, the cretin? I was going to
speak nothing to anybody. To itself, can be? But I and so knew that it - it... The Invention idiotic, absolutely senseless and
hopeless. It could not give any solving result, and any result it and has not given - only has extended the list of sadly
monotonous questions yes the list of indirect demonstrations paranormalnosti which and without that sufficed much.